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$100: Remembering my Worth

Abstract

I came to grad school with a particle of confidence in myself and after almost 3 years, I can confidently say that a $100 bill is a $100 bill. It was not one event: it was a sum of memorable and prolonged moments, but I’ll mention one moment of a growing pain that left me feet taller. Before the last performance of Machinal, I was already exhausted. What was physically expected of me as an actor was unlike any thing I had ever done. It was a gift to be tossed into a play; no room to “cut myself off at the belt”, per Stephen. Before every show, I was filled with a sense of dread, but the lights would fade, I would hear the sound cue, and begin the journey. By the end, I was shocked that I was bowing, and left feeling more self-assured than I was before. Today, whenever I do anything that scares me, I laugh and say “I have done really hard things” and every time, I see myself sprinting into Machinal. Nothing has made me trust more in my ability then knowing that I am capable doing one singular show of Machinal. Ursula, Marco, and Stephen were my mirrors, reflecting my potential when I couldn’t see it for myself. Ursula taught me to trust my voice, Marco, the power of stillness, and Stephen, that I am way more worthy than what I give myself credit for.

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