Precise, quantitative measurements of the hydration status of skin can yield important insights into dermatological health and skin structure and function, with additional relevance to essential processes of thermoregulation and other features of basic physiology. Existing tools for determining skin water content exploit surrogate electrical assessments performed with bulky, rigid, and expensive instruments that are difficult to use in a repeatable manner. Recent alternatives exploit thermal measurements using soft wireless devices that adhere gently and noninvasively to the surface of the skin, but with limited operating range (∼1 cm) and high sensitivity to subtle environmental fluctuations. This paper introduces a set of ideas and technologies that overcome these drawbacks to enable high-speed, robust, long-range automated measurements of thermal transport properties via a miniaturized, multisensor module controlled by a long-range (∼10 m) Bluetooth Low Energy system on a chip, with a graphical user interface to standard smartphones. Soft contact to the surface of the skin, with almost zero user burden, yields recordings that can be quantitatively connected to hydration levels of both the epidermis and dermis, using computational modeling techniques, with high levels of repeatability and insensitivity to ambient fluctuations in temperature. Systematic studies of polymers in layered configurations similar to those of human skin, of porcine skin with known levels of hydration, and of human subjects with benchmarks against clinical devices validate the measurement approach and associated sensor hardware. The results support capabilities in characterizing skin barrier function, assessing severity of skin diseases, and evaluating cosmetic and medication efficacy, for use in the clinic or in the home.