,,,You reach home after a long arduous day. College had been intense lately. Graduation was only a quarter and half away and, you weren't sure if you were ready for the world outside. After all you couldn't even get your senior thesis on track.
{(live:5s)[(text-color:orange)[*creak*]]}
{(live:6s)[You really need to get that door fixed.]}
{(live:8s)[Grabbing a (either: "slice of pizza","ham sandwich","cream cheese bagel"), you sit down on your bed ready to take the rest of the day off. Out of the corner of your eye, you spot your gorgeous purple leather bound (text-color: purple)[journal] sitting on your side table. (stop:)]}
{(live: 10s)[(link-goto: "Pick it up","Admires journal") (stop:)]}The leather was aged, but smooth to touch at the same time. The original lock had rusted (since you never took great care of it) and replaced with a magnetic clip. Not like you needed a lock anyway.
[[Open the first page ->First Page]]
(link-goto: "Close eyes and open the journal at random", (either: "Middle Page","Random page 1","Random page 2"))
[[Flip to the middle of the journal ->Middle Page]]
[[Or, you feel like writing an entry -> Write a new entry]] The first page and the first ever memory you wrote in this journal. You remember how you spotted this book at a street side stall on a cold tuesday evening. You never even had plans to journal, you just knew you had to get the leathered beauty. But events like this don't just seem to happen randomly do they?
{(live: 4s)[ It was right before when your friendship fell apart. After the person you considered to be a literal gift from the heavens, was no longer in your life. You don't even like to think about it do you? There are worse things to be upset about. ]}
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: "Invoke a memory"," Relive the journal")]}
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: "Write a new entry"," Write a new entry")]}
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "Random page 1","Middle Page","Random page 2"))]}(text-color: "#911626")[**Absolutely not**]
{(live: 2s)[You are NOT touching the middle part. Not here.There are better places to read and end your day.]}
{(live: 4s)[(link-goto:"Relive memories????"," Relive bad memories")]}
{(live: 4s)[(link-goto:"Welp, add to the journal"," Write a new entry")]}
{(live: 4s)[(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Random page 1","Random page 2"))]}Oh hey, its a memory of the time you first tried makeup with you best friend. Good times.
Might be worth revisiting it.
[[Relive memory -> Relives Makeup]]
[[Time to add to the journal -> Write a new entry]]
(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Middle Page","Random page 2"))This is the time you almost got kicked out of your college major. Would it be a good idea to go through it?
[[Relive Memory -> College woes]]
[[Time to add a new entry -> Write a new entry]]
(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Middle Page","Random page 1"))(if: $mak1 is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $mak1 to true)
You often suppressed your true feelings and self. Not that you don't now, but that's a different way. You never really liked to adhere to societal norms either, and that led to quite a suprising *calamity*.
{(live: 3s)[You denied your own self, your own interests. Sneaking into your mom's vanity and trying out looks always made you feel guilty and disgusting afterwards. That is, till you met her.]}
{(live: 6s)[She was the first ever person you told your true feelings to, and the first to openly guide you to accepting them. You'd send her pictures, ideas. have discussions, gush about certain products and clothes. She even accompanied you to buy a highlighter once, a token you've still kept long after it served its use.]}
{(live: 9s)[You still go all out and try your best every time you self express.]}
{(live: 11s)[(link: "Why not fix your makeup as a toast to your friend?")[You apply a beautiful coat of (print: (either: "red","blue","purple")) shadow with (print: (either: "mettalic gold","shiny silver","mettalic green")) lining. You flutter a bit around your mirror, hoping your friend would feel proud of you.](stop:)]}
{(live: 11s)[(link-goto: "Return to the entry","Random page 1")]}
{(live: 11s)[(link-goto:"Search your memories to recollect your relationship with your friend","The friend")]}
{(live: 11s)[(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Middle Page","Random page 2"))]}(if: $mak2 is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $mak2 to true)
(text-color:"#e6c86a")[She was pretty. Long black hair, deep brown eyes, kind of short but still somehow taller than you. She was very outspoken, stubborn and down to earth. It caused fights, but made your friendship feel genuine and true. You both were poles apart, almost none of her interests aligned with yours. She was extroverted and fearless and you? Introverted and a meter-high pile of anxiety.]
{(live:6s)[(text-color:"#e6c86a")[But that's what made you both stick close. Her qualities didn't spring from nothing. She was a survivor. Physical and emotional abuse by parents, abusive first love, a brutal school environment and sexual assault, she went through it all, and that inspired you. She lifted you up. Whenever you felt sad, upset, anxious, or even suicidal....]]}
{(live:12s)[(text-style:"shadow")[(text-color:"yellow")[**She brought you back.**]]]}
{(live:13s)[(link-goto: "Analyse your relationship"," The relationship")(stop:)]}
{(live:13s)[(link-goto: "Go back to your vanity"," Relives Makeup")(stop:)]}
{(live: 13s)[(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Middle Page","Random page 2"))]}It has definitely been a while, but you feel the urge to write down your thoughts. Its time to add a new entry to a quickly depleting book.
[[Grab a pen,start writing. -> Writing]](if: $midmem is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $midmem to true)
The middle of the book was where you stored your darkest thoughts. It contained every single one of your most traumatic memories and feelings. Feelings like....
|noo)[ (text-color:red)[(text-style:"shudder")[NO.]]]
|noo2)[Not again. You WILL NOT revisit that.]
{(live:4s)[(show: ?noo)(stop:)]}
{(live:7s)[(show: ?noo2)(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "First Page","Random page 1","Random page 2"))(stop:)]}(if: $firstmem is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $firstmem to true)
You were never good with journaling. It felt like too much of a chore, a one sided commitment that you could never fufill regularly. Writing every night as a child burnt you out, and well, you burnt those journals in return.
|rules)[But things were different now. You constructed a set of rules for yourself. No more commitments, you would only write when you wanted to, as much or as less as you wanted, and whatever thoughts you wanted to portray.]
{(live: 4s)[(show: ?rules) (stop:)]}
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: "Return to the first page","First Page")] }
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: "Flip to another page at random", (either: "Random page 1","Middle Page","Random page 2"))]}
{(live: 6s)[(link-goto: " Write a new entry")]}(if: $colmem is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $colmem to true)
The last quarter of college was the worst time of your life. With all the things happening with your friend, it was already horrible enough. But then, your mental health dipped. You stopped going to class, and a class in particular, you almost failed.
{(live: 5s)[It was the most important class for your major. A (text-color: magenta + red)[D] or (text-color: magenta + red)[C] would almost seal your fate of being kicked out. But you made it. Your professor was kind, your peers were kind. You stayed in.]}
{(live: 7s)[(text-color: "green")[And now you're better.] You're past all of that. You're doing well in graduate school, your jobs stable. (text-color:"green")[You're stronger than your past.]]}
{(live: 8s)[(link-goto: "Return to the journal","Random page 2")]}
{(live: 8s)[(link-goto:" Write a new entry")]}(if: $mak3 is false)[(set: $badcount to it + 1)]
(set: $mak3 to true)
(text-color: "#e6c86a")[Your relationship was...turbulent. The greatest at the peaks, gut-wrenchingly painful at the lows. Even then, there was no comparison to it. You never valued anyone as much as you valued her. She opened so many doors for you in life, with your gender identity, depression and even how to be social.]
{(live: 5s)[(text-color: "#e6c86a")[The conversations you had with her were the best. You both would talk for our on end. Over phone or text. It was almost like a dream...]]}
{(live: 6.5s)[(text-color: "#e6c86a")[It was. Dreams end. One wakes up. You just kept on piling onto her. Your emotions, issues, stresses and all things on earth named negative. And only her. Like she had nothing else to do in life. Every third conversation. You barely gave her space to express her own. And when she couldn't keep on?]]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-color: "#e6c86a")[You turned faster than an agile predator. You raged on her, called her names. And when she left for her own sake, you pitifully begged her to come back. (text-color:"yellow")[YOU] caused all the fractures.]]}
{(live: 12s)[(text-color: "#e6c86a")[Then a few days later, she died in a car crash. You left her feeling that way. If only you could've done something, maybe throught the butterfly effect or anything else. You don't even want to say goodbye.]]}
{(live: 12s)[(link-goto: "Go back to the entry","Random page 1")(stop:)]}
{(live: 12s)[(link-goto: "Its time to jot down my thoughts"," Write a new entry")(stop:)]}(current-date:)
{(live:3s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*Its been a rough couple days. My senior thesis draft deadline draws ever closer and...I just can't seem to get a good grip on it. I feel a sort of resignation towards it. I know meeting with my adviser will probably solve some of my issues but, I just can't seem to muster the motivation to pay her a visit.*]](stop:)}
{(live:7s)[(link-goto: "A moment of hesitation", "A moment of hesitation")] (stop:)}You feel dark thoughts stir within you.
(text-color:cyan)[*Its been 2 months since she died. I haven't healed one bit. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I wasn't able to make things right with her, or that I wasn't able to say goodbye. *]
{(live: 6s)[(text-color:cyan)[*Every night her memory haunts me. I've written this before but whatever, no more rules right? We used to talk every day. Even now everything I do I wish to tell her but I can't. She...*](text-color: red)[*isn't there...*](stop:)]}
{(live:6s)[You feel tears bubbling up in your eyes] (stop:)}
{(live: 11s)[(text-color:cyan) [*All my injustices and trauma. The pain I projected onto her, that I wasn't able to right. I feel so guilty for all of it all. I just wish I could talk to her just one more time. See her just one more time...*](link-goto: "You drop your pen")(stop:)]}
.....
{(live:3s)[What did you just do? (stop:)]}
{(live:6s)[What (text-color:red)[ARE] you doing? No more. Thats what you told yourself right? No more entertaining these thoughts. You cannot let them into your mind. No matter how bad things are. (stop:)]}
{(live:10s)[C'mon. Lets go grab some $drink and play some $game. You can always come back to this...after you flush out those demons. (stop:)]}
{(live:11s)[(link-goto: "No, I must continue") (stop:)]}
{(live:12s)[(link-goto: "I should probably wind down") (stop:)]}So, you continue.
But the thoughts aren't gone. The urges.
You can't deny them.
(text-color:red)[You never could.
So why keep up this act? this, (text-style:"blur")[**façade?**]
What have you to gain? (text-color: green)[Peace? **Happiness**?]]
{(live: 4s)[(text-color:red)[Don't you fucking kid yourself.](stop:)]}
{(live: 6s)[(text-color:red)[You're not 'better'. You're MISERABLE. You always have been. You drove away the only person who ever cared about you. The person you swore you would protect and give happiness to.](stop:)]}
{(live: 8s)[(text-color:red)[You just drove her down to your own level. You **couldn't help her.** So stop whitholding yourself. Your existence has no meaning. You can't deny it further...](stop:)]}
{(live: 13s)[(text-color:red)[(text-style:"rumble")[**YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF**]](stop:)]}
[[...]](set: $badcount to it - 1)
You load up (text-color: red+ white)[$game]. In the meantime, you walk up to your kitchen and pour yourself some (text-color: red + white)[$drink]. This should calm you down, after all, you had a long day and you deserve to treat yourself right.
{(live: 6s)[...]}
{(live: 7s)[...]}
{(live: 10s)[(text-style: "rumble")[(text-color:"#ff1900")[*CRASH*]] (stop:)]}
{(live: 12s)[The sound jolts you back to your senses. You just spilled your drink in anger and got glass all over your floor. Your game isn't going well. Maybe it just isn't your day? You don't feel better either way. (stop:)]}
{(live: 13s)[(link-goto: "Lets get back to the journal","No, I must continue") (stop:)]} The tears overwhelm you.
Everything rushes back. Like a flood from a shattered dam.
Every. Single. Painful. Memory.
{(live: 4s)[You sink into the (text-color:"#f7eed0")[marble ocean].]}
{(live: 6s)[Its right. That voice. You do want to die, how could you not? After all your failures hanging behind you like vengeful phantoms. Following everywhere you go.]}
{(live: 8s)[(text-color: purple + red)[{
Wasting your potential.
Falling prey to a whole horde of mental illnesses.
Unable to save your parents from cancer.
Piling and blaming your best friend for all your issues.
Driving away the only friend who stuck with you throughout.
And her dying.
}]]}
{(live: 11s)[You couldn't do one thing right. You couldn't save anyone. And now you blame the world and reality for every single thing. Holding a grudge as potent and pure as sunshine. You'd take it down with you, but ofcourse, you're powerless for that too.]}
{(live: 14s)[(text-color: red)[The Journal. Its your confidant isn't it?. Tear out this entry. Write all of this down. Revisit your past, and cement your present in that same misery. Paste it there as your final memento. You don't have much long anyway.]]}
{(live:17s)[(text-color: purple + red)[Don't try to resist.]]}
{(live:17s)[(link-goto: "The middle"," forbidden")]}
{(live:17s)[(link-goto: "You're stronger than this","resist")]}(set: $badcount to it - 1)
(set: $tearcheck to true)
(text-style: "shudder")[(text-color: red + orange)[(font: "Skia")[*RIIP*]]]
You rip out the entry, having written everything you've thought about in the past minutes.
You've refused to open it before but now, you just have to. You fold over the purple coloured page and open the middle. Beginning with first entries in the 'forbidden' part.
Every single suicidal fantasy you've ever had, all your dark personal secrets, your bitter and hateful thoughts about the world and how it works. Its all here.
[[read more]](text-color:green)[(font: "Times")[*Onto The Breach*]]
(text-color:green)[(font: "Times")[(text-style: "mirror")[*Onto The Breach*]]]
(text-color:Orange)[**CONTENT WARNING**]
Suicidal themes
Self-Harm
Assault
Anxiety
(text-color: "#D4AF37")[**Endings achieved:**] (print: Chapel.achievements.count()) / 8
(print: Chapel.achievements.print())
[[Start ->Player enters room]]
(set: $drink to (prompt: "Enter your favourite drink:", ""))
(set: $game to (prompt: "Enter your favourite video game", ""))
(set: $col to (prompt: "Enter your favourite primary or secondary colour only", ""))
(set: $harmcheck to false)
(set: $tearcheck to false)
(set: $badcount to 4)
(set: $mak1 to false)
(set: $mak2 to false)
(set: $mak3 to false)
(set: $midmem to false)
(set: $firstmem to false)
(set: $colmem to false)
(text-color: "#7a4065")[*I want to kill myself. There are bags in kitchen I could use to choke. Get some sleeping pills somehow? There's a nice ceramic knife that I brought a few days ago. I could use that to stab myself in the chest, if the painless methods fail. But I just no longer want to live anymore. I can't deal with this pain any longer. Cutting myself doesn't ease it anymore, nor does the alcohol.*]
{(live: 5s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*It feels absolutely awful. Its been 2 days since she died and I can't process anything. She isn't dead. No. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be re...*]]}
{(live: 8s)[The writing trails off to the end of the page. you don't even almost remember the night you wrote this. It doesn't matter. You won't need to remember anything soon.]}
{(live: 9s)[(link-goto: "Paste the page","Paste") (stop:)]}
(set: $badcount to it - 1)
(set: $harmcheck to true)
You know exactly what to do.
You grab a blade from a compartment in your bedside table. A place where you stored all your blades, you know what to do.
{(live: 4s)[(text-color: "#992b23")[You slice the back of your hand, a true wound. Blood pours, and you let a small bit fall on the paper.] That compartment contained brushes too, for painting sometimes on your own scars, or, painting with your own blood.]}
{(live: 6s)[You grab one and start doing exactly that. Slowly filling in the edges of the pages like a mindless drone. You weren't thinking anymore, just purely reacting.]}
{(live: 9s)[Soon, you collect yourself. You clean the brush, wash your cut and just sit in silence.]}
{(live: 11s)[(text-color: red)[You used self harm to once alleviate your emotional pain. Don't you think it's time to alleviate...everything?]]}
{(live: 12s)[(link-goto: "Give in","death by bloodloss")]}
{(live: 12s)[(link-goto: "That's enough","Theres no hope")]}The tears won't stop flowing.
{(live: 2s)[You manage to make your way to your bed. After a while, you pass out.]}
{(live: 4s)[...]}
{(live: 6s)[...]}
{(live: 9s)[You wake up an unknown amount of time later, with the journal still in your hand. Your thoughts betray you. You feel an enormous hole in your very being.]}
{(live: 12s)[You dial your friend, absolutely off the hook at this point. You just get her voice mail back.(text-color: orange + red)[ Hearing her voice...]]}
{(live: 15s)[You need a strong distraction.]}
{(live: 16s)[(link-goto: "Go for a drive")(stop:)]}
{(live: 16s)[(link-goto: "You need to finish this","Theres no hope")(stop:)]}(text-color:red)[After everything, this was inevitable. There was no hope for you further in life. You could never escape your past. The only thing you can do is let go...of life itself.]
{(live: 4s)[(text-color: red)[You failed everything, everyone. This is what your life is defined by now. You should've never existed in the first place.]]}
{(live: 7s)[It was new, the knife you grabbed from the kitchen. Sharp too.]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-style: "shudder")[(text-style: "rumble")[(text-color: "#8c241c")[STAB]]]]}
{(live: 13s)[(text-style: "blur")[The pain was emmense. You fall back to your marble floor. You look around and see blood staining it. *No hope* you think to yourself.]]}
{(live: 16s)[(text-style: "blurrier")[You were losing your vision. Things seemed slow. Your thinking seemed fuzzy. Soon, you couldn't recognize anything around you, as your eyes close, and you fall asleep for the last time.]]}
{(live: 19s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: "#804009")[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 20s)[(link-goto:"Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]}
{(live: 20s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('Unsurmountable odds'))
]}Its (text-color: blue + white)[(current-time:)] right now, almost perfect for a little drive..
It's beautiful outside today. The place you live in has always been lively.
She died in a car crash. Out on a leisurely drive. It was so unfair wasn't it? It should've been you in her place. Only if you could've done something, but you know you couldn't have. It was an accident of life.
(text-color: red + white)[These thoughts invade everywhere don't they?]
You start the radio in hopes of distracting yourself with music. It doesn't work all too well.
(text-color: red + black)[Maybe you could right that wrong. Go out the same way she did...]
You stop that train of thought right then and there. Your anxiety rising, you need something to sate it. Should you still continue this drive?
[[Drive above the limit]]
[[Drive to the forest, and then get back ->forest]]
[[Things aren't okay, get back home now -> Rush home]](if: $harmcheck is true)[(text-color: green)[No, you can't just end your life like that.]] (text-color: green)[If this is how it was all supposed to end, you would've done so long ago. But you didn't, and you're here now. Honour that.]
{(live: 4s)[Even then, you see nothing but darkness toward the future. How are things ever going to change this way? You get past today, you'll just be back here tomorrow. And you can't brainstorm any other method to break out of this cycle. Is there any true hope left for you in life?]}
{(live: 8s)[(text-color: red)[No, you realise. There isn't. Things don't get better for you, they just keep stacking up. You gave back into self harming, broke your clean streak. How many times more? You can't find a balance between your own guilt and self-hatred, hatred for the world, and your trauma from your friend. You may be possibly doomed to live a miserable life.]]}
{(live: 13s)[(text-style: "shadow")[Is there really anything you can do to get past your pain?]]}
{(live: 15s)[(link-goto:"Just drink your way past today, It's a chance","drink")(stop:)]}
{(live: 15s)[(link-goto:"You know about something you can read","I know of one entry")(stop:)]}You instinctively push the accelerator in full force. Your anxiety about your thoughts peaking to maximum.
{(live: 3s)[You decide to finish your route, but in a 'thrill-seeking' manner, not that you were feeling particularly adventurous.]}
{(live: 5s)[You aggresively pass cars, feeling your heart almost break through your chest. Thankfully, there weren't any police on patrol that you could notice.]}
{(live: 8s)[(text-style: "rumble")[(text-style: "shudder")[(text-color: red)[*SWERVE*]]]]}
{(live: 9.5s)[You almost hit another car, your nerves about to rip through your body and become their own being at this point. But you're almost home.]}
{(live: 11s)[(link-goto: "Attempt to pull up to the shoulder")(stop:)]}
{(live: 11s)[(link-goto: "Keep going, you're almost home")(stop:)]}The forest wasn't far. It was a beautiful drive. (text-color: green)[Overlooking the city from the hills above, at daytime you could see the beautiful valley below, hear the songs of the birds and the feel of the soft, gentle fresh wind].(text-color: "#ebb736")[ At night, the dazzling beauty of the sprawling city]. Coming here was always nothing less than a serene experience.
You weren't feeling anything close to serene right now. Why did you even come here? You never used the forest as a place to relax or to just drive around. You passed it by only when your path required you to do so, and this time it didn't.
Then again, not everything made sense to you now.
There's a [[look out]] up ahead. You should stop there.
You turn off the radio. It's way too distracting.
{(live: 3s)[You need to get back home (text-color: red)[NOW]. You don't feel right at all, If you don't get back home something terrible is going to happen. Nothing feels right. Nothing has ever felt right.]}
{(live: 5s)[Taking a U-turn at the earliest, you rush back home. Speeding wherever you can.(text-color: "#ede7bb")[ It's all gonna be okay. You just have to get back home.]]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-color: red)[Do you deserve to get back home and be happy? She couldn't. She died out here. Just like this.]]}
{(live: 12s)[(text-color: red)[Right this wrong. You deserve a fate worse, but this is all you get. Think of it as this way, you'll get to see her again.]]}
{(live: 16s)[That's right. Your existence itself is a heresy. That's why nothing feels right. It has never felt right since the time she left. Let it all go.]}
{(live: 19s)[Reaching a bridge, you steer sharply, breaking through the wall and seeing yourself tumbling down to the river below. Soon, you see nothing at all.]}
{(live: 24s)[(text-color: red)[You're finally free.]]}
{(live: 28s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: orange)[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 29s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)] }
{(live: 29s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('Controlled fate'))
]}You start drinking, and you don't stop. In the span of simply 20 minutes, (random: 3,6) bottles lie on the floor. Soon, (text-style: "smear")[you get very intoxicated.]
[[Continue..]]
(text-color: green)[You resist the urge to drink.] (if: $harmcheck is true)[(text-color: green)[ You've already given into one destructive coping mechanism. You're not going to give into another.]](else:)[(text-color: green)[ You've held off for so long. You refuse to start again.]]
Instead of that. You remember an entry you wrote a long time ago. It was about all the good times you had with your friend. If you read all the bad parts of your journal, why not read the good ones too?
[[Flip to the good entry]]
You refuse to write down your thoughts and paste them.
What? Journaling isn't always the best thing to do. You're in a vulnerable position right now. There is no point in dwelving in bad thoughts. (text-color: green)[You're stronger than your past, remember?] But, you do feel an urge, a sort of curiosity, to read a few entries from the middle of the journal, the so called (text-color: red)[forbidden] zone.
If you truly are stronger, then you'll read it, not give in and overcome your misery.
(link: "Open the middle")[(display: "blank") [[Read on->Proceed]]]
(set: $date to (either: "Sun","Mon","Tue","Wed","Thu")+" "+"(random: 1,30)/(random: 1,12)/2019")
$date
{(live:3s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*I really don't know what to say. She left. After everything I do for her she left. I tolerated so much of her bullshit. If she had so much of an issue with me expressing myself and just trying to talk to her about my problems, she should've just told me. But how dare she say that I negatively affect her mental health? How dare she say that we don't talk normally anymore? Maybe if she just listened to me and actually took a moment to help me deal with how horrible I feel, we could have some proper converstions.*]]}
{(live:9s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*But of course she would rather spend time with people who just stroke her ego instead of those who actually call her out. She never had the guts to face the truth that she's just become like the people who abused her. And now she's just trying to reflect her pain back to me. She can go to hell!*]]}
{(live:15s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*I just feel like I want to die. I know I'll miss her, I know I'll never be able to get over her. I hate this. It's all the world's fault. That people are expected to not be mentally ill and seek support. It's the fault of all those people who say 'just be a man'. I wish everyone like that dies a painful and horrible death.*]]}
{(live:16s)[(link-goto: "Flip to the last page","middle end")(stop:)]}
(set: $badcount to it - 1)
You paste the entry on the last blank page. You thought you would feel a bit relieved and emptied after that. But you don't. The thoughts and urges in your head just wont stop coming.
[[The page could use some decoration->Could use some decoration]]
[[Just sit there]] (text-color: "#7a4065")[*I want to kill myself. There are bags in kitchen I could use to choke. Get some sleeping pills somehow? There's a nice ceramic knife that I brought a few days ago. I could use that to stab myself in the chest, if the painless methods fail. But I just no longer want to live anymore. I can't deal with this pain any longer. Cutting myself doesn't ease it anymore, nor does the alcohol.*]
{(live: 5s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*It feels absolutely awful. Its been 2 days since she died and I can't process anything. She isn't dead. No. This can't be real. This can't be real. This can't be re...*]]}
{(live: 8s)[The writing trails off to the end of the page. you don't even almost remember the night you wrote this. But reading all this has made you feel worse than you were before. You start breaking down.]}
{(live: 9s)[(link-goto: "Just sit there") (stop:)]}(set: $date to (either: "Sun","Mon","Tue","Wed","Thu")+" "+"(random: 1,30)/(random: 1,12)/2019")
$date
{(live:3s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*I really don't know what to say. She left. After everything I do for her she left. I tolerated so much of her bullshit. If she had so much of an issue with me expressing myself and just trying to talk to her about my problems, she should've just told me. But how dare she say that I negatively affect her mental health? How dare she say that we don't talk normally anymore? Maybe if she just listened to me and actually took a moment to help me deal with how horrible I feel, we could have some proper converstions.*]]}
{(live:6s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*But of course she would rather spend time with people who just stroke her ego instead of those who actually call her out. She never had the guts to face the truth that she's just become like the people who abused her. And now she's just trying to reflect her pain back to me. She can go to hell!*]]}
{(live:9s)[(text-color: "#7a4065")[*I just feel like I want to die. I know I'll miss her, I know I'll never be able to get over her. I hate this. It's all the world's fault. That people are expected to not be mentally ill and seek support. It's the fault of all those people who say 'just be a man'. I wish everyone like that dies a painful and horrible death.*]]}
...
{(live: 3s)[In your stupor, you notice a familiar silhoutte standing in front of you.]}
{(live: 5s)[Except there can't be anyone with you, it was your home after all. This just be a figment of your imagination, or was it?]}
{(live: 7s)[You recognize it. It was your friend. That can't be..]}
{(live: 8s)[(text-style: "smear")[(text-color: "#485161")[*I never cared about you.*]] You hear her speak. Your soul freezes. You try to move, to reach out, but you're so drunk, you just stumble back onto the floor. You notice your breathing decrease and your vision blur.]}
{(live: 12s)[(text-style: "smear")[(text-color: "#485161")[*You harrassed me, treated me like some sort of punching bag. Tried to put me down when I was trying to heal myself. You're not worthy of any sort of forgiveness*]]]}
{(live: 16s)[She reaches down, and grabs your neck, choking you. You don't feel anything, but you're slipping out fast. (text-color: red)[You deserve this.]]}
{(live: 19s)[(text-style: "blur")[I'm sorry..] is all you can muster, before you close your eyes for the last time.]}
{(live: 25s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: "orange")[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 25s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")]}
{(live: 25s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('The Ghost??'))
]}(set: $date to (either: "Sun","Mon","Tue","Wed","Thu")+" "+"(random: 1,30)/(random: 1,12)/2019")
$date
(text-colour: cyan)[*For the past few entires I've written a lot about my own feelings of dread and sadness, but today I want to write about something positive. I want to write about her.*]
(text-colour: cyan)[*I just want to say that I love her so much. She's the best person I've ever met, possibly will ever meet. Our conversations are so much fun, we talk about random stuff for hours on end and it's so worth it! Even if I'm having a bad day, just interacting with her cheers me up. All the time we spend in the arcades, browsing random shops, it all feels so special. She keenly listens to me and responds. I've never met a person so understanding and compassionate! Heh, she always tells me "If you've made it through the past few days, you can make it through today. Believe in yourself". That's the reason I'm here today, still writing in this journal, feeling happy.*]
(text-colour: cyan)[*She wants me to be happy.*]
[[You close the journal]]You completely break down.
{(live: 2s)[You feel so bad about everything. You just didn't know what to do. But, You know that even after everything, she wouldn't want you to feel this way. She still cared about you.]}
{(live: 5s)[When she left, she told you that she wished for you to be happy too. With how blunt she was, she really meant it. (text-color: green)[All these thoughts in your head, they've been there before. And you've overcome them every. single. time.]]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-color: green)[That includes today. She was right. You can make it through this, you have to keep faith in yourself.]]}
{(live: 11s)[(if: $tearcheck is true)[You pasted today's entry into the middle already. It's alright. Today was a dark day, it just goes to show how strong you are by overcoming it.](else:)[You finish up today's entry, and close your journal. You'll remember today, but you'll also remember how strong you are.]]}
{(live: 15s)[You keep your journal back onto your sidetable and get ready to go to bed and wake up another day. You might not have bested all your demons today, but that's alright. This isn't a battle but a war, a war you'll win. But for now, for today, feel proud.]}
{(live: 15s)[(text-style: "shadow")[(text-colour: "#afb811")[You did the best you can do. :)]]]}
{(live: 19s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: "#2eab6a")[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 20s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]}
{(live: 20s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('The good entry'))
]}Traffic was treacherous, but you manage to pull up to the side and stop.
You perform a breathing meditation in your car. You've used this quite a lot before to help your anxiety.
{(live: 5s)[(text-color: "#3ab0f0")[Breathe in.]]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-color: "#3ab0f0")[Breathe out.]]}
{(live: 13s)[(text-color: "#3ab0f0")[Breathe in.]]}
{(live: 17s)[(text-color: "#3ab0f0")[Breathe out.]]}
{(live: 19s)[Your pulse rate drops, your heart normalises. You get back in your car and make your way home. Not feeling particularly great. You could've almost killed yourself back there..]}
{(live: 22s)[(link-goto: "Your emotions return as you enter","Theres no hope")(stop:)]}
You decide to keep going, your anxiety taking full control of you.
A vehicle in front breaks suddenly and sharply. You steer into the second lane, hoping to avoid crashing, but you had already made your choice.
{(live: 6s)[(text-color: "#1c373b")[The car on that lane isn't as quick to respond. They smash at full speed into the driver's seat. Your body jerks to the side, as it is impaled with countless shards of glass and metal.]]}
{(live: 8s)[The pain ends momentarily, as your conciousness soon drifts out of this world.]}
{(live: 12s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: orange)[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 12s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]}
{(live: 12s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('Shared fate'))
]}You stop at the look out. Taking your seat at a bench.
{(live: 3s)[You sit there, admiring the view presented to you.]}
{(live: 6s)[(text-color: "#1397d4")[It's beautiful. All of it. It always has been. You love this world.] And you absolutely hate every single fibre of disdain that you feel towards it. You never wanted to be this way.]}
{(live: 9.5s)[But damn it if it hasn't taken EVERYTHING from you. Your happiness, passion, hopes, your future, your friend? You hate it. You hate it...]}
{(live: 13s)[(text-color: green)[She wouldn't want you to right?]]}
{(live: 14s)[(link-goto: "It doesn't matter","the fall")(stop:)]}
{(live: 14s)[(link-goto: "She wouldn't","chance")(stop:)]}Of course it matters! Yes life took from you, but you're still here aren't you? (text-color: green)[Persisting].
{(live: 4s)[(text-colour: yellow)[*I hope you live a happy and long life.*] Those were the words she said to you when she left. She meant those words. Remember all the times she supported to you? Listened to you? Remember how much happier she made you and how much she trusted in your abilities?]}
{(live: 9s)[(text-color: green)[If you didn't deserve happiness you would have never met her.]]}
{(live: 12s)[But hey you did and guess what? Now you have to live, believe in yourself and keep her memory alive.]}
{(live: 16s)[(text-color: green)[Don't let her love fade away with you.]]}
{(live: 19s)[You head back home after a short while. Just before going to bed, you write this experience in your journal, filling the last page and truly finishing it. But this isn't an end. (text-color: "#57aae6")[It's another beginning]. And a toast to your resilience.]}
{(live: 24s)[After all, tommorrow is another day.]}
{(live: 29s)[(if: $badcount is 10)[(text-color: "#2eab6a")[**NOT THE END???**]]](else:)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: Orange)[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 29s)[(if: $badcount < 10)[(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('Another chance'))]]}
{(live: 30s)[(if: $badcount is 10)[(link-goto: "A final visit","Memorial")(stop:)](else:)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]]}
It never did. The world will keep taking from you. The only way to live is to break free.
{(live: 4s)[(if: $tearcheck is true)[(text-color: red + black)[You already gave into self harming again. You live, you're just going to give into more destructive things. It's almost pathetic.]](else:)[(text-color: red + black)[You're destined to destroy yourself slowly and painfully. Regretting each step of the way. Why unnecessarily suffer?]]]}
{(live: 9s)[Stop thinking. Just do it. Break free.]}
{(live: 13s)[You jump from the bench, sprint towards the cliff and jump off.]}
{(live: 16s)[Every memory of your life flashes before your very eyes. Every success, every failure, every traumatic memory. All the sadness.]}
{(live: 19s)[As the air rushes by you feel a tinge of regret, but also liberation.]}
{(live: 21s)[A single tear escapes your eyes right before you hit the ground.]}
{(live: 26s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: orange)[**THE END**]]]}
{(live: 27s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]}
{(live: 27s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('The fall'))
]}
??/??/????
{(live:3s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*Hey, a new $col (text-color: $col)[journal]! The date doesn't matter, this day will stay in my memory forever anyway*]]}
{(live:6s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*I visited her. The place where she rests, in the city she loved the most. Her stone was beautiful y'know? Intricately carved, flowers surrounding it. I added a boquet of mine too. I told her all about this journal, and what happened the last day with it. I told her all about how I've been bettering myself since, how I graduated (yay!).*]]}
{(live:12s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*I miss her. I told her that. I wish she were still here with me, but I know she's watching over. I can't join her just yet, I have stuff to do right? All the adult responsibility stuff, beat my issues, be happy and make her proud in the process.*]]}
{(live:17s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*I know I have to get over her, but one small step at a time. Have to keep on tackling and tackling my issues till they're beaten. That's how she would've done it.*]]}
{(live:21s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*If I fail? Well I'll just try again till I don't. Hmm...what's that saying?*]]}
{(live:25s)[(text-colour: cyan)[*Once more onto the breach.*]]}
{(live:31s)[(text-style: "expand")[(text-color: "#D4AF37")[**TRUE END**]]]}
{(live:32s)[(link-goto: "Start of game/Content warning")(stop:)]}
{(live: 32s)[
(set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.add('Onto another day'))
]}(text-color: violet)[testestestets](set: _dummy to Chapel.achievements.load())